Late-Night Personalities Lampoon Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Immigration Program

Late-night's leading entertainers devoted their broadcast criticizing former President Donald Trump's recently announced immigration program, dubbed the "Trump card," describing it as a blatant pay-for-access system for the rich.

Colbert's Witty Spin

Opening his show, Stephen Colbert offered a mock Christmas tune about the president. "He is making a list, checking it twice, then handing that list to the people at ICE," he sang. "The President ... spoils everything he touches."

The focus was the new initiative which allows international citizens to acquire U.S. residency for an investment of one million dollars, or "platinum" tier for 5 million. The program's website pledges processing "with unprecedented speed."

"A quick message here to rich foreigners: prior to you pony up, have you considered Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He pointed out that the card is also intended to "get cash" from companies wishing to hire skilled workers, involving hefty costs. "That is a lot of fees, though if you register, you also get free accommodation at a hotel of your choice – as long as it's the that one hotel," he continued.

"Unprecedented vetting the government has before done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these applicants truly are eligible to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert responded. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Commentary

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the visa program the "Get Into America Express Card."

"This is a card that will let affluent international individuals to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get legal visitor status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one significant crime of your selection."

"It might be time to change that poem on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your huddled masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel mocked the brevity of the application, saying it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"Exactly, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Affordability Struggles

On another network, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's declining poll numbers during economic worries. "People gave Donald Trump a second term because they were angry about the economy," he said.

This week, in a effort to address prices, Trump held a press conference in front of a selection of grocery items, where he reacted peculiarly to some cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a while."

"Trump is so extremely weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by criticizing conservative media defenses of Trump's financial record. "Maybe rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy like the one FIFA did," he laughed.